Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Twenty Weeks: Half Full, Half Empty

It's cold. I should be wearing a coat. But then I'd look fat. (See below.)
Twenty weeks! 20/40ths! Halfway there! Woo hoo! All these exclamation points! They are my way of trying to convey an enthusiasm that I should be feeling but am not! I’m actually still quite worn out! And unmotivated-feeling! And a little blue even though it’s the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

Do marathoners feel elated when they hit the 13 mile mark, or do they think, “Fuck, I still have 13 miles left—I hope I can keep holding my shit in, er, together…”?

This weekend at the drug store, the young, smiley cashier looked at me in my puffy down mid-thigh winter coat that is luckily equipped with a double zipper so I can (so far) squeeze in my stomach while I pull both zippers up to my new waist, located at my bra-line, creating a split zipper-type situation and thereby keeping a bit warmer than if I had to leave the garment all the way open all of the time—she took one look at me squeezed into this thing and said, “Are you pregnant, or—?”

Or what? Or too fat to be able to properly zip my coat? Seriously? You’re asking me that? Are you trying to make me feel worse, or is that part an accident?

“—or do you just like these prenatal vitamins?” she finished, holding up the bottle I was purchasing.

I confirmed that I am, in fact pregnant, and she congratulated me and did a little happy dance and generally behaved like the extremely sweet young woman she clearly is.

I might be a touch paranoid.

Speaking of prenatal vitamins, I finally, after SIXTY WEEKS, discovered that they are what causes/exacerbates my pregnancy indigestion. (Actually, it might just have been the past twenty weeks, since EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT, so who knows what was causing/exacerbating my indigestion last time around.) I share this fact not because it is interesting but because OH HOW I WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME TWENTY WEEKS AGO that SWITCHING PRENATAL VITAMINS might have been ALL IT TOOK to CURE MY INDIGESTION. (I don’t actually know yet whether switching helps. What I do know is that skipping them altogether DEFINITELY helps. Who needs niacin, anyway? And iron? So overrated!*)

[at 18 weeks I REALLY didn't want my photo taken]

*Kidding, Mom.

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