Things Not to Do in Seattle in January When You’re Six Months Pregnant With Your Second Child:

1) Try on bathing suits.

Even the one you wore last time you were pregnant. Especially not the one you wore last time you were pregnant. No matter that you’re leaving later in the week for five days in Mexico—DO NOT DO IT. Do not tell your husband your old suits might not fit, either, because he might suggest swimming in one of his old t-shirts which will make you laugh and cry in equal measure until your lungs are choked with snot and phlegm. I don’t know what you should do instead, but don’t do what I did.

DO. NOT. DO. IT.

photo courtesy markemark, morgueFile