Berry Happy to Have You

Apparently (Thank you, Blogger Stats!) someone came across this blog when searching for strawberry-scented deodorant.

Strawberry Shortcake, is that you?

Apple Dumplin' and Blueberry Muffin, are you close by?




photo courtesy dantada, morgueFile

Jesus-Lovers, WTF?

On the way to score my morning hit of caffeine (alright, my second), I passed a gloriously dilapidated old church, all crumbing brick and broken stained glass and water-stained, graffitied plywood. A middle-aged man was out front raking yellow leaves into neat little piles. As I passed he smiled, revealing a  gap where his top front teeth ought to be, and said, “Jesus loves you! Have a blessed day!”

My first thought: Jesus doesn’t even know me.

Then: How would that guy possibly know what Jesus does and does not love? 

Then: Does Jesus—I mean post-ressurection Jesus—love the Jews?*

And: How real was Jesus, exactly?

And: What happened to that guy's teeth?

Then, finally, as the layers of cynicism and ADD flaked away, I thought: Suppose Jesus is real, did get all resurrected and stuff, does magically know me, and really does love me—that would feel pretty great.

Christians, you no longer seem quite as insane as you did earlier this morning.

*I’m not Jewish—but some of my best friends are. Love me, love my best friends. 

Photo courtesy alexander, morgueFile

What to Expect, Whether It's What You Expected or Not

Ironically, the people at What to Expect When You're Expecting asked me to write a short piece for their website. Read it here!