tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post6217304844962218769..comments2023-08-23T04:26:48.000-07:00Comments on Not Quite What I Expected: Deal With ItAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13581619895304130847noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-8648315701512566902013-11-23T18:59:16.133-08:002013-11-23T18:59:16.133-08:00Thank you so much for writing that column. I'm...Thank you so much for writing that column. I'm echoing what a lot of others have already written here, but since there are some downright hostile comments I felt I ought to post to add another positive voice.<br /><br />Without going in to a lot of detail, I stumbled on your column in a moment of confusion and emotional turmoil, leading to some panicked Googling, and yours happened to be the first of about a dozen opened tabs I read. Afterward, I simply closed the other tabs unread, because nothing could put in words better how I feel than what you wrote.<br /><br />I'm delighted to discover that I wasn't alone, and it literally brings tears to my eyes to imagine future readers finding your column. Thank you so much again, and I'll be keeping an eye out for anything else you write.<br /><br />And yeah, the title is extra awesome. There's no other way to put it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-20113812558475696312013-05-11T16:33:09.937-07:002013-05-11T16:33:09.937-07:00Hi Wilson, I'm yet another one of those who sa...Hi Wilson, I'm yet another one of those who saw your NYT column and googled you. I too am a married Seattleite in a hetero relationship with kids yet have significant romantic history with women and still identify as bisexual. I also never quite know what to do with or about my bi identity. When you're not single, it seems bizarre to mention it to people -- as though I'm announcing I'm on the prowl -- yet it's an important part of who I am. So, just wanted to say thanks for the fantastic column.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-87379411100341676292013-05-01T10:08:42.763-07:002013-05-01T10:08:42.763-07:00Speaking as a bi-male myself whose own wife still ...Speaking as a bi-male myself whose own wife still doesn't know how to process it -- and I announced the fact when we met 16 years ago -- I can understand these feelings expressed here. On the other hand, having to wear our orientations publicly as a name tag, the way many straight and gay couples do, doesn't really appeal to me. <br /><br />Maybe it's because I'm in my 50s and my sex drive is nowhere near the Eveready Bunny-level it was 20 years ago, but increasingly I just define myself as myself, and not my sex/color/age/choice of car/coffee preference. <br /><br />That said, I would ask yourself why *you* feel the need to define yourself this way in public? I mean, it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. Why the call for attention? Does being mistaken for straight feel like a sell-out? If so, why?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-71023137027095891712013-04-30T06:29:46.912-07:002013-04-30T06:29:46.912-07:00Just wanted to write and say I really loved your p...Just wanted to write and say I really loved your piece in the Times. I'm a 30ish bisexual guy, a few months away from marrying a woman I love a ton – and it's weird, exactly like you put it, to be queer but also to have an opposite-sex partner, to do the wedding thing, to maybe start a family. Not because those things are weird but because there's that thing now where coming out to people feels even more belabored than ever. Why would I feel the need to tell people I'm bi? But at the same time, why do I so dislike the idea of people thinking me straight?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-13584190733636779062013-04-29T09:48:01.501-07:002013-04-29T09:48:01.501-07:00Thank you for the article and for the discussion i...Thank you for the article and for the discussion it's bringing about. Bi-sexual women have been negated by both the straight and gay community for years as being wishy-washy in their identity. Lesbians may comment that we are "choosing" to be socially accepted by being with men, and straights that we are playing into the B-Movie role of wanting to turn men on when we are with women. That we do choose life partners of either orientation, or other bi-sexuals, and that we remain monogamous doesn't mean that we give up that other part of ourselves. As far as needing to broadcast our orientation, I am pressured by straight society to be "into" male sexuality (why wouldn't I want to see "Magic Mike?" Why wouldn't I want to see Abercrombie and Fitch models with their jeans at pubic hair level?) and question why I'm interested in seeing women's bodies. Maybe it's just the society I'm in, but people's assumptions about who I am based on some choices I've made sometimes need to be corrected, even if they think those assumptions are benign. Kristinhttp://www.kristinlatour.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-63497570180722888462013-04-28T19:47:14.858-07:002013-04-28T19:47:14.858-07:00Tofu-sausage scramble? SICK. ;)
Lovely piece - c...Tofu-sausage scramble? SICK. ;) <br /><br />Lovely piece - congrats! katandkarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04503444226601869298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-1498946961452759732013-04-28T18:29:21.446-07:002013-04-28T18:29:21.446-07:00For the commenter who says "If you're in ...For the commenter who says "If you're in a monogamous relationship, it is odd for the amount of time since you've had contact with earlier partners to be something worthy of consideration, much less broadcasting...." As many other commenters note, this essay is art, not trying to persuade, not trying to inform. And art is a gift, as still another commenter notes. Wordsworth well knew the difference between everyday discourse and artful language: "I have said that poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings; it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.” Such recollections, like this tour de force of Wilson Diehl, are rare, wonderful, and powerful gatherings of both memories and the human spirit. Would that we all could write, feel, art so well. The Great Midwestern Seahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00642900723777051456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-12810702275183199762013-04-28T14:25:57.901-07:002013-04-28T14:25:57.901-07:00Loved it. Found your site via the article rather t...Loved it. Found your site via the article rather than the other way around. 25 years in my current relationship... with a man. Raised a child. Have 6 degrees started and completed between us. And ours will always be a monogamous marriage of two bi people. Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01404682231105416714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-56428752589449700012013-04-28T13:48:32.122-07:002013-04-28T13:48:32.122-07:00Loved your article! I am not bisexual, but relate ...Loved your article! I am not bisexual, but relate to trying to be understood, heard and celebrated for who I am and what I bring to the party. I don't want to be constrained by the expectations and limitations that our society imparts on women, minorities, bisexuals, gays, the poor and any other group that is not a white heterosexual male. I am what I am...so deal with it!Marciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365126290895391315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-38012370927738346322013-04-28T12:35:17.059-07:002013-04-28T12:35:17.059-07:00Loved the article! I've struggled with this, a...Loved the article! I've struggled with this, also, and just bringing it up randomly is completely brilliant, because it removes so much pressure to "do it correctly" or whatever. Thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-58144801612945487012013-04-28T11:56:14.869-07:002013-04-28T11:56:14.869-07:00This was one of my ongoing quests for years. When ...This was one of my ongoing quests for years. When to tell...jump...reveal. <br />Your narrative is so right on! Maybe we're related...DGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008946104377741616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-87195991822289518962013-04-28T11:37:39.702-07:002013-04-28T11:37:39.702-07:00I loved your article. I, too, am bisexual, but fo...I loved your article. I, too, am bisexual, but for took a different path. I was born in 1950. My earliest experiences were with men whom I found to be: 1. sexually clueless about my body; 2. could get me pregnant (and I always disliked and knew I did not want children). And birth control was icky and killed my sex drive. At 26 I got involved with an old fashioned butch woman who treated me the way a macho man treats a pretty girl. I am still her pretty girl although 38 years later I am now 62 and she is 78 and we do not have sex. At 54 I fell madly in love with a man and decided I was bisexual. I was postmenopausal, which I don't think was a coincidence. The age of the men I was attracted to was such that their mothers had probably read "Our Bodies Ourselves". I was sick of being the household breadwinner and carrying heavy groceries for someone elderly and frail. I think, in fact, my first hint of a heterosexual attraction occurred in a supermarket when a younger man offered to carry a bag containing four bottles of Perrier. I prefer what women like to do in bed. But I love chivalry and would give my eye teeth to be in a relationship with someone bigger, stronger, younger, and richer. And there are no more butch lesbians. They have all had gender reassignment surgery. Dalila Valentinehttp://babydramatic.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-40707109873773417522013-04-28T11:21:37.138-07:002013-04-28T11:21:37.138-07:00You guys are taking it personally rather than as w...You guys are taking it personally rather than as what it is: a gift from writer. Nowhere in the article does she say it dominates her whole life. She is simply sharing insights and truths about one part of her life. Do people not get to write about their children, travels, religion, race family life, if those things are only one part of their life. Do people not get to write about things that mean something to them? People write about much more shallow things for god's sake, like artisanal coffee and dental work. Stop being so selfish and protesting if something doesn't speak to you. Maybe it's not about you. Ms. Diehl, I'm a writer / artist as well and I commend you for writing a vulnerably, generous and thoughtful piece. Write / right on, sister.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-84189509186654008292013-04-28T08:36:38.939-07:002013-04-28T08:36:38.939-07:00I don't see any rational reason why anyone sho...I don't see any rational reason why anyone should ever have had a problem with your bisexuality. As far as prospective lovers go, they should have been happy that you knew exactly what you are and you were happy with it. Mixed up people are potentially much more problematic lovers than people like you. Anyway, health, happiness, and long life to you and yours. David C. Holzmanhttp://motorlegends.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-30531709060537911992013-04-28T07:08:36.009-07:002013-04-28T07:08:36.009-07:00Thanks, Wilson! Also googled you after reading the...Thanks, Wilson! Also googled you after reading the NYT piece. You have very well described my life and feelings before, during, and after a good, long marriage (to a guy). Those who don't understand our need to express our bi identity while in a committed relationship have missed the point of your article.<br /> I look forward to following your writing! Pat in Gold Bar, WAPatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-82105716275756968622013-04-28T07:05:24.264-07:002013-04-28T07:05:24.264-07:00Yes EXACTLY. Thank you.Yes EXACTLY. Thank you.Katerinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15168068807356688864noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-68693744146596369912013-04-28T05:05:23.471-07:002013-04-28T05:05:23.471-07:00Your column was completely delightful! Next stop: ...Your column was completely delightful! Next stop: The Moth or NPR? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-16287300141743502012013-04-27T21:47:30.700-07:002013-04-27T21:47:30.700-07:00Hey, Jealous Anonymous - The only way Ms. Diehl...Hey, Jealous Anonymous - The only way Ms. Diehl's attractions would be a problem is if her husband is really insecure. Secure couples spend a total of ZERO time sweating normal attractions to others. Or do you think that married couples should suddenly STOP feeling attracted to other people or should be forced to pretend to not be? Evannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-65381571855860947842013-04-27T16:49:50.325-07:002013-04-27T16:49:50.325-07:00I dated someone who described herself as you did i...I dated someone who described herself as you did in the NYT article. Sadly, she broke my heart and then married a man. I often wonder how she feels about the whole hetero normative life she now leads. Thank you for the insight. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-46304780572141300992013-04-27T15:58:10.658-07:002013-04-27T15:58:10.658-07:004 out of 100 isn't that big of a deal.4 out of 100 isn't that big of a deal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-43608610325071853742013-04-27T14:33:12.606-07:002013-04-27T14:33:12.606-07:00I concur, the fixation with your own bisexuality a...I concur, the fixation with your own bisexuality and idea that a piece of you would need to be "honored" is bewildering. People's beliefs, ideals and personalities are constantly evolving and changing. If I honored my past in order to maintain the present then what is going to happen to the future? I'm predicating a future that maintains that status quo. I am who I am now and forever, that is it period. I support your identity, but you're attaching an arbitrary label or category invented by society that inhibits and dictates your identity. DOWN WITH LABELS AND COOKIE CUTTER CATEGORIES! Minusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-75599814362097084372013-04-27T13:49:43.771-07:002013-04-27T13:49:43.771-07:00I think this is absurd. I love your essay, I feel ...I think this is absurd. I love your essay, I feel as though you put into words the exact feelings I have about my own bisexuality, and I will always feel this way, even though I've been in a relationship for five years. Fuck the haters! And the title's great, especially considering the pronunciation of your last name. Thanks. You rock. I've never read anything of yours before, but now I'd like to read more. And I NEVER post any kind of comment on this sort of thing. But I just had to point out how oblivious the comments above are. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-20444432384579939332013-04-27T13:46:37.012-07:002013-04-27T13:46:37.012-07:00I just read it and loved it! Thanks for such an ho...I just read it and loved it! Thanks for such an honest and funny piece of writing. Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06779217594298742487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-26877633836217004062013-04-27T13:39:45.185-07:002013-04-27T13:39:45.185-07:00Thanks for letting me take a walk in your boots, I...Thanks for letting me take a walk in your boots, I had never thought about the sacrifice someone who is bi makes if they love someone enough to marry them and become hetero-normative. On behalf of America, feel free to tell me that you're a bi-lady anytime, and I think you should, to help dispel the myth of bisexual people being suspect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22858476.post-51729811815658984082013-04-26T16:03:00.339-07:002013-04-26T16:03:00.339-07:00Very well stated. Many people behave the same way...Very well stated. Many people behave the same way with their religion and politics as well. I always assumed it was because they/we were arrogant, insecure, or self-absorbed in some way, or just had an axe to grind. Maybe it's just a way of asserting one's individuality.<br /><br />If you're in a monogamous relationship, it is odd for the amount of time since you've had contact with earlier partners to be something worthy of consideration, much less broadcasting, regardless of their gender/size/shape/etc. There are myriad other attributes to focus on -- race or ethnicity, for example -- that may well trump sexual identity. I guess an article exploring "I haven't so much as held hands with a brown person in seven years" might not fly?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com